I’m looking out my window right now at a tall gray water tower, a gray sky that quietly speaks of rain, and a lot full of fast-moving machines. My neck is starting to ache from the awkward angle, but I barely realize it. All I can absorb is the melancholy of the day, the vastness of the world outside…and the absolute uncertainty of my life.

A slight headache is starting to throb in my head, and I do notice that…but barely. The thoughts narrowly missing each other as they race back and forth mask it for the most part.

I think about everything. I think about the red flashing light on my work phone that has been flashing for almost a year because I never bothered to check the welcome message on my voicemail. I think about where I am in life…a 27-year-old sitting at a desk staring at a computer screen in an office with 47 other people doing the same exact thing.

I think about the jar of peanuts next to me that I got at the sporting goods store…they are called ‘Peanuts from Hell’, and after having tasted a few of them, I can confidently say that they deserve the name.

I consider whether wondering and thinking are the same thing…wondering kind of has a peaceful innocent connotation to it, while thinking, thinking is technical, cold…mechanical.

Wondering can take you to many magnificent places, because you just let your mind fly without barriers, without boundaries. You can wonder what it might have been like to walk down the streets of Paris in 1856, you can wonder about the moment the wheel was invented, you might wonder how Martin Luther King Jr. might have felt as he said “I Have A Dream”…

Wonder can take you to the top of Mt. Everest, and it can take you to the bottom of the Marianas Trench… or it can take you back to your own bed with the soft blankets and squishy pillows. It can take you anywhere you want to go.

But thinking…thinking takes you to the places that you need to go. The hard places…the places where you might struggle, sometimes for a long time, and sometimes for only a few seconds. Thinking unravels the knots in your mind, and smooths the wrinkles in your world, and everyone’s world.

Thinking is neutral, and thoughts are powerless until they are acted upon, but having the power to make thoughts, to shape and form, is wonderful.

It’s when wondering and thinking come together that the real magic happens. You can wonder if you will ever make it to see the crystalline blue shores of the Caribbean, and then you realize that if you start to plan, arrange, think, you can. You can smell the mist from the waves as they crash onto the beach, you can see the sun shine all the way to the sea bed…

If you think, wondering becomes reality.

At some point, somewhere, a person wondered why it was okay to hit men, a person wondered why men weren’t supposed to cry, why men weren’t supposed to feel. That person wondered where on the timeline men because less than women.

And then they thought…how can we change that?

We became part of that answer.

Unity, truth…in a time where falsehood is popular and division is commonplace, is rare.

It is no longer the status quo to fight for what you believe in…the status quo is to fight for what will make you popular, for what will make you money, and for what will make you powerful.

“The time is here for you to stand up for what you know is right. You must judge right from wrong. No longer can you be complacent or go with the flow or wonder what to do. You must decide now which path you will follow and which answer you will give. Decide well in advance, before the pressure is on, what you stand for.” – Margaret D. Nadauld

The world has become messy, chaotic, and people have forgotten how to think, because they want the thinking done for them. They don’t want to have to choose between what is right and wrong.

But we, us, everyone that has devoted time and energy, thoughts, wondering, dreaming, to defending a man from the mess that is this world…from a world that believes men deserve to be hit and that women can and should hit them…we defy the status quo.

We stand up and say no, men deserve support, they deserve to expect happiness, they deserve to love life…not to wake up every morning and think about everything they should just deal with.

We stand up against misinformation, against falsehood, and we maintain the truth in the face of all that wishes the truth to be buried.

We say that men and women deserve to be equal.

And we say that a man is innocent based on facts, based on a thorough examination of the case presented to us, we defend that man against everyone who would like to see us transform into sheep and go with the herd…

We defend that man because it is the right thing to do.

I am so proud to be a part of that we, a part of the we that supports Johnny Depp. I am so proud to be a part of a we that stands together for three long years to fight against a corrupt society that prefers men to be casualties in the war for social justice.

I am proud that we have never given up, and I am proud that we are going to win…that by fighting, we have already won.

Men are people too, and all people have struggles.

We say that men shouldn’t have to fight them alone.

We say that we need to keep fighting.

We don’t feed the beast.

We stay focused.

And we think.

Thank you to every single one of you that has stood strong until now, that refused to give in.

Keep going.

The Story of a Mess

I felt compelled to write this.

Because I feel like I portray an image of myself online that…isn’t the full substance of me. To you, I may seem…strong…confident, sure of myself…put together…I may seem like I know what I am doing…

…but that is just the image that I have crafted and perfected over 20 years so that people don’t know how much of a fucking mess I really am. That is the mask.

And now I am here to take it off completely.

As I sit here, writing this, I want to give you a picture of my brain…of what is going on inside of it right now.

I wonder if people will think my story is ‘not that bad’ or that other people had it ‘so much worse’…I wonder if people will think I am just writing this for attention…I wonder if I am even important enough to write about myself and expect people to care. I wonder if I can even write my story good enough so that you understand…I wonder if anyone will even give enough of a shit to read this.

My inner voice says to me “why do you think people want to know about your issues”…and it says to me “no one actually likes you, so why bother”…it says “you’ve already said enough about yourself, don’t seem so desperate for attention”……

…and at one point I would have listened to it.

I always hear people call themselves the outcast…the loner…and I try to resonate with that…but it never feels completely accurate. I feel like an outcast knows who they are. They know why they are an outcast.

Me? I have no fucking clue.

I have always felt like I am that person in the background that chimes in once in awhile, but am otherwise invisible to everyone. I am never fully allowed in, I am just occasionally noticed. And then when that moment is over, everyone forgets about me again.

Here is the point where I am going to actually start talking about real events.

I was born to parents who already hated each other by the time I existed. My mom and dad were never married. They had broken up a good six months before I was born. My mother was 19 when she had me. My father was 22.

My dad didn’t want me for the entirety of my mother’s pregnancy. My grandfather (my dad’s dad) begged my mother to get an abortion. She didn’t, obviously. About a year before I was born, the cops got involved between my parents due to a domestic violence incident.

My mother, previous to even meeting and dating my dad, had already experienced very heavy trauma from several different angles. I am not going to talk about them here, but I will say that they trouble her to this day. My father was used to always getting what he wanted. He was used to only doing things for himself, and my mother was used to never being provided for by anyone.

Back to when I was born. To my mother, I was the greatest thing that had ever happened. To my father, I guess you could say the same thing…except there was always a part of him that wishes…to this day, in fact, that I had never existed. I essentially ruined his life, and made his life at the same time.

(Not that he had any plans to do much with his life. He tells me all the time that if he could do it all over again, things would be “so much different”.)

Right off the bat, I was in an incredibly unstable environment. For the first three years of my life, I lived with my mother in an apartment. For that time, she was on and off drugs of all kinds, but she took care of me the best she could. Eventually her drug use and partying lifestyle took over to the point where she could no longer be a mother, so she handed me off to my paternal grandparents.

I know what you are thinking. “She must have had it so much better there.”

Yes and no. My grandmother, Sandy, was the sweetest most loving woman that I have ever known. She was really the first influence I had that shaped me. But the other side of the coin…her marriage, was something that I had to watch and work out on my own. My grandfather was a working man, and a traveling man. He was at home rarely, and when he was home, his main hobby was criticizing my grandmother at every possible opportunity. When he wasn’t doing that, he was handing her his company credit card.

I guess to buy her loyalty or something. Even at the age of six, I could tell something was wrong there. It was always “oh, this food could be better” or “oh, why isn’t this part of the house clean”…he always had an issue with her.

She quit her full time job to take care of me. She got me up and off to school all the way through fourth grade.

I spent preschool through first grade with my grandparents. My grandfather made upwards of 120k a year being a sales representative at General Electric, Plastics division. Because of that, I had nice stuff. Nice clothes, nice toys…my grandmother’s favorite thing to do was dress me for school. She would do my waist length hair up in braids and whatever other hairstyle she managed to cook up that day…she would put me in dresses…

As you can imagine, this did not paint a pretty picture for the rest of the kids at school. I was bullied for being the “rich kid”…I had no friends, and I was called a spoiled brat every five minutes…so being alone was what I grew used to in the early years of my school life.

A lot of kids who are “spoiled” end up acting spoiled forever…and that might have been me, but I got lucky.

My other grandmother, on my mom’s side, was a thrifter. Whenever I went to their house for the weekend, we would always go, what I called at the time, treasure hunting. It was also called junking.

We went to garage sales, and thrift stores. I got a lot of second hand clothes, toys, trinkets, and whatever else I could find.

My paternal grandfather, Larry, hated it. He hated that I liked “used” things. But that didn’t matter to me. I never saw the difference between “used” things and “new” things. As long as it worked, it was good enough for me. (As a result, I have grown up liking antiques FAR more than I like brand new shit.)

Anyway, we have now arrived at second grade. I moved from my grandparent’s house to my dad’s house. I was going to a new school.

I still had no friends. I was still the spoiled kid, and I was still that “weird girl”. From second grade to the end of third grade, really, Sandy got me off to school.

That changed half way through fourth grade.

I am going to take this moment to explain something about my dad. If you recall, I mentioned that he was used to only giving a shit about himself. Well, he was also very obsessed with the idea that he wasn’t a man if he didn’t have a woman in his life.

Ever since I can remember, he was always more interested in whichever girlfriend he had at the time than he was in me. At one point, he decided to go out with his girlfriend instead of bringing me to the doctor. (I was sick with a cold or something.) But that prioritization has continued to this day.

He always made sure to do whatever was necessary to keep his various girlfriends happy…and I was always “well if I have time”.

Halfway through fourth grade, he up and decided to move to his girlfriend’s apartment…an hour away. So I moved schools yet again, and yet again, I was still the weird kid with no friends.

Besides that, this particular girlfriend (I know now, anyway) was a narcissist, or at the very least, abusive. She made sure her daughter got everything I wanted, her daughter got to go first for everything, and her daughter got the bigger room…etc. And my dad never had anything to say about it, because it kept her happy.

They always got in awful fights (I saw all of them) that resulted in my dad storming into wherever I was and screaming at me “let’s go, we’re leaving”…only for him to change his mind once we got all of our shit in his truck.

This went on up until the beginning of sixth grade. Then they finally separated, and it was just me and my dad again.

Great, right?


He had verbally abused me before, but it had escalated at this point. Every time I fucked up (like forgot to fold laundry, or left a crumb on the counter), he would launch into a “you stupid kid, I hate you, I wish I didn’t have you” tirade. And that went on all the way into 11th grade.

At the beginning of sixth grade, and all the way to twelfth grade, I was left to get myself up for school, because he had to be at work at 6 AM. I learned how to be self-sufficient very quickly. I had to figure out my own homework, I had to make my own food, and I had to get to school by myself.

And I still had no friends. No real friends. I had people I could sit with at lunch…I had “friends”.

Due to this isolation, I spent much of my time in my room for six years. And I liked it. I liked being alone. It was comfortable. I didn’t have anyone interrupting my thoughts. I didn’t have anyone to stop my mind from wandering, from thinking.

So, lets recap for a second.

We are in the beginning of 11th grade. I am going to briefly mention a few things here that I alluded to but didn’t explicitly say.

Up to this point, I had experienced rape (not me, but someone else), verbal abuse, physical abuse, being abandoned, drugs, alcohol…I had experienced being shuffled around to different places frequently…I had experienced being bullied…I had experienced suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, etc. etc.

(Between my dad and his brother, they have 10 DUIs. Ted, the brother, rolled three cars, my dad had been in a snowmobile accident…a lot of alcohol related issues.)

I say all of that like I am reading a grocery list…but each of those things happened, and each of them fucked me up.

After this, I had experienced two traumatic…losses. My “best friend” I made halfway through 11th grade revealed to me at the beginning of 2016 that she had always hated me, but was just too afraid of confrontation to tell me. She called me a sociopath, she said I was selfish, ungrateful, rude, unfriendly, inconsiderate….etc…

And then I had a guy cheat on me in 2012. Long story. Basically it kicked my anxiety and self-hatred into high gear.

So, why did I tell you all of this?

Several reasons.

I have a desperate need for validation. Because without it, I recede right back into that “no one gives a shit about you, you don’t matter, you have no friends, and you need to stop trying” place that I live in. I am convinced most of the time that all of you are only pretending to like me, that you talk about how much you hate me when I’m not around…or that you forget I exist unless I make enough of a scene to be noticed.

I think everything I do is way more shitty than I think it is, and I feel like I am never quite good enough.

Constantly, regardless of how much I want to do something, I always think “what’s the fucking point, no one gives a shit anyway”.

And it doesn’t really matter what you say to me, how you act…I will always think that because it has been drilled into me… the idea that I am alone…for my entire life.

I constantly compare myself to all of you, and always come to the conclusion that all of you are so much better than I am…that I am back to being the weird kid that is tolerated sometimes…

I live in a cesspool of self doubt, self hatred, depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, ruminating, suicidal thoughts…and I probably always will.


Basically, behind my “good comebacks”, my “good writing”, my “good selfies”, or my support for Johnny…lives a person that doesn’t feel like any of that is good enough or even good at all, that is constantly trying to be good enough…behind all of that lives an absolute fucking irreparable mess.

I may be smart, I may be pretty, I may be whatever it is that you have called me, but I am also very very broken.

And I have only covered the tip of the true depth of hellishness that makes up my mind.

I was made by two messed up people, I lived with messed up people for my entire life, and that created a messed up person. Me.

That’s who I am. A mess.

But I guess I turned out alright for the most part?

I don’t know.



The Question You Should Be Asking

Maria Kari has written an article…or a blog post, rather, in the Express Tribune, with a headline of:

Amber Heard vs Johnny Depp: Is the credibility of #MeToo and women survivors under threat?

This headline, while on the surface it may seem well-meaning, is only an attempt at misdirection.

Since the dawn of the MeToo era, or even since the dawn of third-wave feminism, women that belong to this group of people have started a slow process of demonizing men. Every time a male shooter kills people, they write essays and tweets about how we need to “stop male violence”…as though every single man ever is violent and threatening. Every time a man rapes someone, they call out all men as disgusting pigs…as though ALL men will rape or have raped a woman.

Whenever they mention rape or domestic violence, it is always the woman who is being raped or beaten. The default, every time, is the woman. Domestic violence, to them, is violence against women. Rape is rape of women. That is their definition.

So…this headline, then, is carefully bringing the focus of the MeToo movement and “survivors” back to women. Only women can be survivors. Only women can be recognized by the MeToo movement. And only women face scrutiny by the public…but shouldn’t?

Everything about this headline is wrong.

Domestic violence is violence against anyone in a domestic setting. A sibling, parent, spouse, an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent…male or female.

Rape is the act of forcing a sexual advance onto another person…and again, it doesn’t matter what that person is or what their gender is. It is all rape.

The other glaring issue that this headline represents is the idea that women should be believed without question…but men should be interrogated and questioned until they are blue in the face…because how could it be possible for a women to have carried out violence against a man?

“Man Up.”

“I thought he was a man.”

“What a pussy.”

“How could a red-blooded man just let a woman beat him?”

“He deserved it.”

“She was just feisty.”

And the reason they feel that they need to bring the focus back to women…is because a man has now accused a woman of domestic violence publicly, and that really fucks the hell out of their narrative.

Only women can be hit, dammit. Only women can be raped, dammit. Those bad men are so bad, they do such bad things to the poor women, believe the women, they never lie, women are good, female empowerment, yeah get him girl, hit him…

When a woman hits a man…she is just strong, or she is putting him in his place…or she…the excuses or praise they use to justify violent female behavior is…quite frankly, disgusting.

I am going to take the very first paragraph of this and point out some bias.

Last week, actor Johnny Depp hit his former wife Amber Heard with a massive $50 million lawsuit, which alleges that Heard’s claims of domestic abuse against Depp were a “hoax” intended to “advance her career”. Not only is Depp arguing that his then-wife’s case was completely fake, he is also alleging that he was the victim of domestic violence.

First, if this was a woman suing a man for domestic violence, I highly doubt she would use the term “hit” when describing the lawsuit. This may just be general writing incompetency…but even still, if this was a woman suing a man, supportive language would be used.

Second, if this was a woman suing a man, nothing would be in quotation marks.

Finally, the last sentence is so condescending, it boggles my mind. Not only (not only is he attacking a woman this way)…he is also alleging that he (because he obviously isn’t) was the victim of domestic violence.

  • Anyone with training in argument analysis and a background in rhetoric (me) can see immediately that this person does not think Johnny Depp’s claims are either credible, or possible. They think there is no way that their darling woman, Amber Heard, could have possibly harmed Johnny Depp.

Depp’s lawyers claim to have a lot of evidence, including almost 87 video surveillance clips from around their home and testimonies of numerous witnesses including the couple’s friends and neighbors.

Even though the court of public opinion has already demonized Heard as an opportunistic liar, it’s important to remember that Depp simply filing a lawsuit does not automatically make his evidence admissible or legit.

Claim” – Because he certainly doesn’t have any real evidence.

The second bit of this statement is…bluntly put, bullshit.

First of all, Ms. Kari, back in 2016, all Amber Heard had was a photograph in People Magazine and an edited video that she sold to TMZ. Yet people believed her automatically.

“Johnny Depp hit me.”

The people: “You’re absolutely right, he did, cancel him.”

She didn’t even have to have evidence for people like you to believe her. She just had to say that he hit her. That was enough, because she is a woman.

She has been lauded as a survivor, as a strong woman, as an inspiration for women…ever since then. Why? Her claims were never proven, were never even brought to trial…Johnny Depp was never proven guilty.

But to you, he might as well be.

And now, in this paragraph, you are saying that “it is important to remember that Depp simply filing a lawsuit does not automatically make his evidence admissible or legit”.

Did you have that same attitude when Heard failed to do her deposition twice…or when she sold evidence to People Magazine…or when she sent Depp an extortion letter…or when she hit him on camera…or when…it doesn’t really matter, because I know you didn’t. You didn’t even question her. Not for a damn second.

But now that Johnny Depp has…

Actually, let me explain something to you, since you clearly know nothing about the legal system and the process of filing a defamation lawsuit.

When you file a lawsuit claiming defamation, the number one thing you need to be able to do is PROVE that what the other person is saying is 100% false. So, Johnny Depp would not have filed this lawsuit if he did not believe that he could prove that Amber Heard’s claims of him being violent with her were, as you put in quotation marks, a hoax.

You also cannot state in a court declaration that you have 87 CCTV tapes, audio recordings, an admission of guilt from Heard herself, 17 witness statements, and photographs, if you don’t A. actually have all of that, and B. believe it to be concrete evidence.

A judge is going to review all of that evidence. Why would Adam Waldman allow fake or bad evidence to be stated in a court declaration?

He wouldn’t.

But the fact that you are actually saying that this evidence is probably not admissible or legit…while you believed Heard with a photograph in People Magazine…your misandry is showing.

Your truthful headline should be this: Women are credible, men are lying.

That is the message you are trying to communicate, right?

Well, here is my message: Anyone can be credible, anyone can lie.

Because what you third-wave feminists have failed to understand…is that feminism is not women > men. Feminism is women = men.

Let me repeat that.

Feminism is not women > men.

Feminism is women = men.

Generally speaking, we should not immediately believe abuse victims. Belief is something that happens after a convincing argument.

Generally speaking, we should always consider their story. We should keep an open mind to either side until we have enough details to make a true and educated decision concerning which side to support.

That is how the legal system works.

Innocent until proven guilty.

It is not guilty when women accuse, nor is it guilty until proven innocent. And the court of public opinion should mean absolutely nothing.

Because as someone who has too frequently looked into the vacant, expressionless faces and blank eyes of victims of abuse, I cannot think of a single more frightening thing than a world where men get to use their power, money and connections to first abuse then bring into question the credibility of women.

In closing, I want to bring attention to this paragraph…your last one.

This is where you really show your attitude about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. This is where your credibility in this blog post is absolutely shot to shit.

You believe, just because of your constructed view of male power over females, that Johnny Depp did, in fact, beat Amber Heard, and is now just trying to silence her using his apparent ‘male’ power.

You really believe that. And you will continue to believe that regardless of what happens.

Violence against males at the hands of women is very real, and it happens far more often than you might think, Ms. Kari.

The reason you don’t hear about it much, and when you do hear about it, don’t care, is because a violent woman is seen as feisty and powerful.

She is someone to look up to.

And the man deserved it.

So, the question you should be asking: why is violence against men seen as a joke?

A Thank You Post

There has been a lot of…discussion lately that some Depp supporters are not getting thanked properly.

First, if you are supporting Johnny Depp JUST for any personal recognition, for personal gain, for attention, or for any other selfish reason, take a step back and reevaluate your position. You are not in it for the right reasons.

Now, on to the thank yous.

To all the people right in the beginning who started to dig into the allegations outside of Twitter…those on TMZ, on Jamber, and on any other site, thank you for your diligent work, and for spending your time right from the get go defending Johnny. Without your support, we wouldn’t be as far as we are today.

To every. single. person. who has raised their voice on social media in support of Johnny, thank you for not conforming to the popular opinion. Thank you for sticking to the truth, and for working hard to spread that truth.

To every person that has believed in Johnny, but has stayed silent, thank you for sticking to the truth, and not being swayed by the popular opinion.

Special recognition goes to Elle-Rose for her amazing videos that she tirelessly creates to support not only Johnny, but all men in need of help due to domestic violence.

Special recognition goes to Laura and Kenderbelle for the tireless research on the legal side of things.

Special recognition goes to Lani for being so active on Tumblr in support of Johnny.

Special recognition goes to becauseitisjohnnydepp for also being active on Tumblr (and Twitter) in support of Johnny.

Special recognition to Stephen and Gina, for being so diligent in your support of Johnny.

For everyone that has created threads, blog posts, videos, Tumblr posts, Instagram posts in support of Johnny…just know that you should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing.

I am humbled to be part of such an amazing group of people, and hope to remain friends with you all for a long time.

Also, just a reminder to consider submitting something to Johnny’s book. You can find the link pinned to my Twitter. ❤


Why I Defend Johnny Depp

“You only defend him because he is good looking.”
“He isn’t going to fuck you.”
“He is a celebrity who doesn’t even know you.”
“Don’t waste your time defending a white rich man.”
“Stupid stan, you look obsessed.”
“You belong to a cult.”
“You just don’t want him to be guilty.”


Consider the themes of films like The Green Mile, The Fugitive, The Shawshank Redemption…consider real cases like Michael Jackson, The West Memphis Three, The Scottsboro Boys…consider TV documentaries like Making A Murderer, The Central Park Five, A Murder In The Park…

All of these center around a human being or several human beings that have been wrongfully accused. Within these stories, there are ALWAYS people that believe they are guilty, no matter what they are given to change their mind.

What does this mean? Why are these themes included in so many fiction and non-fiction premises?

The answer is simple.

Because many people do not care about justice, and will never care about justice. They only care about making problems go away. The faster they can name a person guilty and move on, the better. Whether that person is actually guilty or not is immaterial. Not their problem.

With social media, people can now make these voices heard. They post hundreds of comments talking about how they will ‘never believe’ someone no matter what, and these comments spread like wildfire. Hundreds of people hop on the bandwagon without even thinking to find out for themselves what to think…because the ‘thinking’ has been done for them.

And now, with the heavy lean on believing women, and believing female victims, and Me Too…the time for males to suffer with false accusations is rising rapidly. A man who has a career, children, a family…one accusation by a bitter woman can make all of that fall apart. There is no ‘wait and see’, there is no safety blanket for the man…he is immediately exiled.

When the man is a public figure of any magnitude (an actor, doctor, lawyer, musician, journalist etc.) this is magnified many times over.

The accusation train is a fast moving one, and with it comes attention, respect, and acceptance. To 90% of social media, if you don’t board, you are an ‘apologist’, a ‘victim blamer’, and you are cast out.

People don’t think anymore. They don’t want to think anymore. They want to get back to their mobile games, their reality television shows, their Youtube shows, their Netflix, their Facetimes, and their online shopping as fast as possible, BUT they still want to participate in the latest and greatest outrage. It makes them feel powerful, it makes them feel like they have contributed to the downfall of someone who MUST deserve it.

This actor said THIS, damn him (when in reality he was misquoted, or the context was missed)…this actor is accused of [insert crime here]…well he must have fucking done it, damn him…this woman said this man did this, and since women never lie, he definitely did it.

People have become robots, and they will believe anything and everything that is fed to them as long as it fits their current narrative being streamlined to them by the media. Right now, gender is the basis for truth, race is the basis for crime, and religion is the basis for hate.

None of these three should be the first thing you consider when examining a scenario. As a student of rhetoric, I have used a much more effective method of analysis. First, allow me to define rhetoric:

“Rhetoric maybe defined as the faculty of observing in any given case the available means of persuasion.”

In layman’s terms, this is basically the art of critical thinking.

The method of analysis that I use, and have used since I was 16, is Kenneth Burke’s analytical pentad, pictured below.


I will explain this in terms of the Depp case.

The Act: Amber Heard accused Johnny Depp of domestic violence. 

Agency: Through the media, and through her divorce lawyer. 

Agent: Amber Heard

Scene: Media. 

Purpose: Her own benefit. 

This model can be used to identify the jumping off points with which to frame your argument, and your beliefs regarding the situation you are examining. When you are able to provide answers to the five points of the pentad, then you can begin building a case.

The biggest mistake that people make when looking at a situation is that they think that already know the answer. They don’t. Every time I go into a situation, I maintain a status of “I don’t know” until I have enough evidence to support a decision. This is the ONLY way to go about anything. Otherwise you are undermining your own brain. 

So, why do I defend Johnny Depp?

Because who the fuck wouldn’t?

Whether he has money, whether he is white, whether he is a man, whether he did drugs, whether he drank…none of that matters, because he is still a human being, and he still deserves an objective defense.

Objectively, I don’t defend Johnny Depp. I have never defended Johnny Depp. I never will defend Johnny Depp.

I defend a man. I defend a person.

I defend a man who has been falsely accused by his narcissistic ex-wife of domestic violence. I defend him because I KNOW how difficult men can have it when trying to prove their innocence in the face of today’s trigger-happy society. I KNOW how much men hide when they are being abused. I have seen it happen.

And I have seen how little support they get when they do come forward. Feminists say we should believe all victims, that we should never question victims, that we should support all victims…as long as they are women.

If it is a man saying they were abused, then they are the abuser, they just want money, they are just trying to torment the woman, they are lying, they are trash, they probably abused her…people come up with excuses to dismiss these men as though it is going out of style. It’s shameful.

We need to stop looking at this with a gender lens. Gender does not matter. Person A has accused Person B of abuse.

That is the way you should think about it. Because only then can you actually treat it with the objectivity that every situation deserves.

Subjectively, I defend Johnny Depp because I know, with all my talent in understanding people, and seeing inside people, that he is not capable of this. He is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle person in the world, and every. single. person. that has met him has said the same.

He has inspired me since I was twelve…and the strength that he has shown through this whole ordeal could fuel an army.

I defend Johnny Depp because for evil to succeed, it is only necessary for good men to do nothing.

I defend Johnny Depp because it is the right thing to do.

And I will continue to defend Johnny Depp until I decide that the world has stopped giving me a reason to.


Upcoming Sparrabeth Stories


To start with, I will present my full Scythe’s Song plan in a chronological order style:

Title: Mortis Nostrae (Our Death)

Summary: This will be the SS-verse rewrite of DMC. I plan to make it a lot more serious, and remove some of the silliness of the film to make it darker. I like to call it the Game of Thrones treatment. The story will largely remain the same, but there will be a lot of extension and expansion on it, and some modifications. Rating will be Mature (ff.net)/Explicit (Archive).

Characters: All the normal characters of DMC will be featured. Sparrabeth is obviously the pairing.

Verse/Time Period: SS and POTC era.

Imagery: I really want this to be like an impending doom, but also very curious and exciting tone… so a lot of dark tension and other kinds of tension (sexual).

Title: Et Vita Nostra (Then Our Life)

Summary: This will be the SS-verse rewrite of AWE. This story will be massively modified (many of the same things will happen, just in different ways and in a slightly different order.) Rating will be Mature (ff.net)/Explicit (Archive).

Characters: All of the normal AWE characters, but I plan to add Anamaria to the mix. Again, Sparrabeth.

Verse/Time Period: SS and POTC era.

Imagery: This one will be very dark for the first half. A lot of pain imagery, depression, anxiety, guilt…but also a lot of mystery and sort of thriller-ish aspect. For the second half, it will get into a more exciting territory, with forgiveness and budding relationships built in.

Title: Penumbra

Summary: This will be the sequel to Scythe’s Song. I want to take this one a little more ancient. Out of the city, into tombs, ruins, caves, that kind of thing. I am thinking like…Africa, maybe some South America…we’ll see. Certainly dealing with more ancient history/mythical material. Rating will be Mature (ff.net)/Explicit (Archive).

Characters: All of the modern day SS characters, assuming they all survive SS. I will also be adding a return character from the POTC era which will remain a surprise.

Verse/Time Period: SS, and modern day.

Imagery: This one will be very mystery/puzzle…think Tomb Raider, Uncharted, The Mummy…that sort of mystery adventure.

Title: Untitled Crossover Intermission Project

Summary: I can’t reveal too much about this yet, but I plan to do a short little series (4-8 chapters) that will take place in between SS and its sequel. Rating will probably remain on the M/T side.

Characters: Again, the full cast of SS if they all survive. And a bonus character or two.

Verse/Time Period: SS, and modern day.

Imagery: Very competitive, very sarcastic, and very smart.

Title: Untitled Jack the Ripper Series

Summary: I have always been fascinated with Jack the Ripper, and I loved the idea of writing about him/her. So, I decided to write a short series within the SS-verse about the famous serial killer. It will just be a 7-8 chapter adventure with Jack and Lizzie as they stumble upon clues/leads to his/her identity. I am not sure whether I will use official theories, or if I will make up my own theory. Rating will be Mature (ff.net)/Explicit (Archive).

Characters: Jack/Lizzie and various OC’s

Verse/Time Period: 1920’s

Imagery: Gritty London atmosphere.

Title: One Shot Collection

Summary: This is a planned collection of one shots which will cover a lot of the events mentioned in SS (past events), and will also include little moments after SS, but before the sequel (holidays, dates, other moments). I thought it would be fun to write little snapshots.

Characters: Various

Verse/Time Period: Various

Imagery: Various

*Note that you can submit requests for this collection. I can’t guarantee that I will accept them all, but I will happily read and consider them.

That’s it for the Scythe’s Song plan.

These next stories will most likely remain stand-alone stories without sequels (but that can, of course, change any time).

Title: Cold Heart

Summary: This is a story that involves Lizzie jumping overboard the Pearl during AWE a week or so after they rescue Jack. Panic ensues, rescue ensues, and caring for ensues.

Characters: Regular AWE cast.

Verse/Time Period: AWE

Imagery: I want this to be a very…deep story…and I also want it to be very exploratory as far as their tension and dynamic.

Title: Fantasma

Summary: This is a story that will involve Jack and Lizzie getting together shortly after AWE (the Willabeth never happened), and then Jack dies in a ship battle. A few weeks after his death, Lizzie starts noticing strange occurrences around her house. Things moving, noises, smells. She starts to wonder…

Characters: Jack/Lizzie/Various other POTC characters

Verse/Time Period: Post-AWE

Imagery: Very mysterious, very investigative, and also a lot of elements of tragedy, loss, hope, and other various themes.

Title: Under The Sun’s Shadow

Summary: THIS is going to be a bit of a larger undertaking. I am taking Jack and Elizabeth back to Ancient Egypt. I will be writing a slightly different iteration of the characters, but they will still be recognizable. Jack will be an Egyptian Pharoah, and Lizzie will be a runaway from Greece.

(As a person who has studied Ancient Egypt for a long time, I am aware of the various customs/politics/cultural themes/other rules. I am also very aware of which of these I am going to have to ignore to make this story work.)

Characters: Jack (Egyptian name pending), and Lizzie (Iset), with various other OC’s

Verse/Time Period: Ancient Egypt

Imagery: Egypt-y things

Title: Thin Walls

Summary:  PORN WITH PLOT KIND OF. This is going to be a story set in DMC during the Isla Cruces voyage (which will be extended for the sake of this story) where Jack and Lizzie hear some interesting activities coming from the other’s cabin. They eventually confront each other.

Characters: Jack/Lizzie

Verse/Time Period: DMC

Imagery: PORN, PORN, and some more PORN. Tasteful, though.

Title: Change In The Wind

Summary: Since I love taking the original stories and going in a different direction…this will be a story about what would have happened if Jack had actually kidnapped Lizzie during his escape in Curse.

Characters: Jack/Lizzie

Verse/Time Period: Curse

Title: A Swan’s Flight

Summary: Again, this one also goes in a different direction, but from the very beginning of Curse. Lizzie runs away to Tortuga, meets Jack, and adventure/romance ensues.

Characters: Jack/Lizzie/Various

Verse/Time Period: Curse

Title: As The Snow Falls

Summary: This one is going to be Christmas-time story. It will take place in the 90’s in London. It will be a Fountain of Youth AU, similar to SS. Lizzie will be at a memorial for WWII, and she will discover that one of the captains of the British Navy looks mysteriously like Jack. Then, as she is walking out of the building, she sees a very familiar figure heading to his car.

Characters: Jack/Lizzie/Various OC’s

Verse/Time Period: 90’s

Imagery: Very Christmasy. Lots of lights, snow, and other Christmas elements.

Title: A Different Tale

Summary: Another steer in a different direction. This story explores what would happen if Jack had been made Pirate King instead of Lizzie.

Characters: AWE characters.

Verse/Time Period: AWE

Title: Inflamed

Summary: This story takes place while Lizzie is in Tortuga looking for Jack. She sees a sight of…oral nature, and becomes very curious and fascinated. And since she is about to embark on a voyage with Jack Sparrow, who better to have her curiosities focused on?

Characters: Jack/Lizzie/Various POTC characters

Verse/Time Period: DMC

Title: Loveth and C’rruption

Summary: This one will either be set during the Isla Cruces Voyage, of after AWE. Haven’t decided yet. Anyway, Lizzie goes to Jack to learn more about sex, and gets a more practical demonstration than she bargained for.

Characters: Jack/Lizzie

Verse/Time Period: To Be Decided

Title: In The Arms of Angels

Summary: I got the idea for this one while watching Lucifer. Basically, Jack kills himself after the events of AWE (slightly modified for this story), and after finding him, Lizzie does the same. They end up in Heaven together (I am not necessarily aiming for a ‘religion’ angle here, I just like the imagery, and some interesting things happen.

Characters: Jack/Lizzie/Various POTC characters

Verse/Time Period: Post-AWE

Title: Death Hast Cometh

Summary: This one takes place during the end of Curse. Lizzie isn’t allowed to witness Jack’s hanging, and is later told that it was successful. Revelations and adventure ensue.

Characters: Jack/Lizzie/Various POTC characters

Verse/Time Period: During Curse/Post Curse

Title: Pirate In The Cupboard

Summary: Oook, this one is a little bit more comedic. I actually got this idea while watching Indian in the Cupboard. If you haven’t seen that movie, basically it involves a kid named Omri receiving this cupboard for his birthday. The cupboard can turn action figures into real beings. When you put a human figure inside of the cupboard, it actually plucks a real person from their own timeline to bring them to yours.

So, what if I were to write a story starring me (well, not me, but a person inspired by me) with my own cupboard, and my own Jack/Lizzie figures? And what if they were plucked from right when she chains Jack to the mast? Essentially it will be about a Mini-Lizzie and a Mini-Jack coming to terms with what Lizzie just did while being hella confused with why the fuck I am so big, why they are so small, and where in the fuck they are.

Characters: Jack/Lizzie/Me

Verse/Time Period: Modern Day

Part 3.

Ok. The final part.



First, I am going to post a general FAQ that summarizes all of the things people are generally  w r o n g  about with regards to the case. Everything posted here is a fact. FACT. Nothing that I am about to include in this FAQ is speculation. I have not made anything up. With a short Google search, you can verify all of this information yourself. 

Please refer to IFOD’s web page or the rest of my blog post for more detailed information.


So, without further ado:

Did Johnny Depp pay Amber Heard off?

No. Johnny Depp did not pay Amber Heard any money to “stay quiet”. All of the money she received in the divorce was from the divorce. She was entitled to a portion of his earnings that he made during the time they were married, as mandated by California divorce law. 

Did Amber Heard sit for her deposition?

Yes, but only after refusing to sit for several.

Did Amber Heard donate all of the money?

According to her.

Did Amber Heard give Johnny Depp an extortion letter?

Yes. Samantha Spector, on behalf of Amber Heard, sent Johnny Depp’s legal team a letter in which they demanded that Johnny pay Heard 50k a month in spousal support, provide her with a Range Rover, pay her legal fees, and provide her with three condos. If Johnny did not agree to these terms, Spector said that they would take the issue to the public eye.

Did Amber Heard leak evidence to the media?

Yes. She sold photos to People Magazine when the abuse accusations came out. 

Did Amber Heard hire a criminal defense lawyer?

Yes. As soon as Johnny provided his evidence list to the court, she hired a criminal defense lawyer. 

Does Johnny Depp have a history of domestic violence?

No. He has never been arrested, accused, or suspected of domestic violence in the past.

Was there an abuse case?

Yes. Amber Heard filed for a temporary restraining order, and eventually claimed abuse in the divorce papers. 

Was there a divorce case?


Did Amber Heard claim abuse right away?

No. Originally, she listed irreconcilable differences as the reason for the divorce. 

Did Johnny Depp file counter evidence in 2016?

Yes. He submitted his version of events that directly contradicted Heard’s version of the events, and his version claimed that she abused him.

What did Amber Heard win in the divorce?

She didn’t “win” anything. She was given a percentage of Depp’s earnings because under California divorce law, without a prenup, she was entitled to it. 

Did Amber Heard break the NDA?

Yes. Many times. She mentioned Johnny in several magazine articles, and has been acting as a victim from day one.

Is Johnny Depp sick?


Can women be violent?


Did Amber Heard get a restraining order?

She was granted a temporary restraining order. 

Was she denied a permanent restraining order?

Yes, and she then dropped the request with prejudice. 

Is Amber Heard a violent person?

Yes. She has admitted to physically abusing Johnny Depp and was arrested for hitting her ex-wife.

Did Amber Heard hit Tasya Van Ree?

Yes. It was witnessed by a police officer in a Seattle airport. 

Did Johnny Depp speak to the media during the divorce?

Only once, with an official statement given by Laura Wasser. 

Did Amber Heard leave Johnny Depp?

No. Johnny Depp left her. 

Did Amber Heard provide hard evidence of abuse?

No. When asked to provide digital copies of the photographs, she refused. She did not have any other hard evidence to submit.

Did Amber Heard file a police report?

Not right away, apparently at the advice of her lawyer. 

Did the police see any sign of abuse?

No. Police stated that they did not see any damage on the property, or on Heard. They left a business card for her stating that she may contact them at any time if she has more to say. 

Did Amber Heard submit the text messages into evidence?

No, nor did she list Stephen Deuters as a witness. 

Did Johnny Depp continue to ‘torment’ Amber Heard?

No. He has not tormented Amber Heard in any way, ever.

Did Johnny Depp suffer abuse from the media?


Is Johnny Depp an alcoholic?

He has admitted in the past that he has a problem with alcohol. 

Did Amber Heard look into the finances of the Hollywood Vampires?


Did Johnny Depp’s previous partners defend him?

Yes. Vanessa Paradis, Winona Ryder in particular defended him. 

Was there any evidence of him being abusive during the relationship?

No. Heard could not provide any evidence to show that he was abusive.

Can fans defend him without bias?


Does his acting talent matter in regards to the abuse case?


Did Amber Heard drop the abuse case?

Yes, with prejudice. 

Did Amber Heard’s bruises disappear?


Did the police know it was Johnny Depp’s residence when they were called there?

No, the police officers that were called to the residence did not know that it was the home of Johnny Depp, nor did they know that Amber Heard was married to Johnny Depp, since she gave them her maiden name.

Are California police officers required to make an arrest in domestic abuse cases if there is any evidence?


Did J.K. Rowling see Johnny Depp’s evidence?

Yes. In an interview with EW magazine, Johnny Depp stated that JK has seen his evidence, and believes that he is innocent.

Was Johnny Depp in the country when Amber Heard got a restraining order?


Has Johnny Depp ever been violent on set?


Did Amber Heard demand more money?

Yes. She tried to double the 7 million into 14 million.

Did Johnny Depp donate money in Amber Heard’s name?

Yes. See above.

Does Amber Heard have a PR guy?

Yes. His name is Todd Krim.

Was Johnny Depp cast as Grindelwald before the allegations?


Was the video edited?


Does the video show abuse?



As a real human person, speaking from my own experience, I have witnessed five women who were verbally and physically abusive.

I am going to change the names of these women, just for privacy reasons. Let’s go with Alice, Brenda, Marge, Beth, and Kelly.

These are the following reasons people would excuse these women for being violent and abusive:

  1. They are women.
  2. They were pushed into it.
  3. They were emotionally troubled.
  4. They were yelling/hitting a man.

I have said it before, and I will say it again. Abuse has no gender. “They are women” does NOT stand as an excuse for them to be abusive. Unfortunately, many people honestly believe it does. They believe that women have the right to behave this way towards men due to the inherent belief that men OWE them something…and that women are superior to men. (There is also the inherent belief that since all men are evil, they have abuse coming to them.)

I can safely say that NONE of the women that I listed were pushed, pressured, forced, or otherwise manipulated into committing their various acts of abuse.

All of them were emotionally troubled, but this did not excuse their abusive nature. It will never excuse abusive nature.

And again, men don’t deserve to be hit or screamed at just because they are men.

If these ‘feminists’ took a step back and looked at some of the arguments they are making…they would realize that many of them are the same arguments they fight against in regards to men hitting women. “The woman deserved it”, “the man was just angry”…but they believe that a female’s abusive behavior is justified, so they indulge in hypocrisy and ignore obvious logical fallacies to prove their point.




All of the women I listed, as I have said, were abusive. Let’s start with Alice. Alice was very narcissistic. She constantly had to make everything about herself. She was hateful towards my father, and found every opportunity possible to put him down. She was manipulative of his relationship with me, and she was very vicious when it came to their arguments.

Nothing justified her behavior. Nothing justified her trying to come in between a ten-year-old-girl and her father’s relationship…nothing justified her manipulating him into buying her daughter more presents at Christmas…nothing justified her insulting my dad at every single given opportunity. None of that was justified. But you feminists keep going on with your ‘men are shit’ tirade.

Brenda. Brenda was very very emotionally abusive towards my uncle. She would scream at him, constantly try to start fights over anything and everything, she would threaten to take their kids away, she would hit him, constantly tell the rest of the family lies about him, tell them he was hitting her, screaming at her, that he was horrible to live with…when I personally witnessed her behaving this way on several occasions. She has been to jail for drug-related issues…she has seen several psychiatrists…but feminists will still believe that her behavior was my uncle’s fault. All of her abuse was my uncle’s fault. He deserved it because he is a man.

Marge. This woman was psychically abusive towards her daughter, doing things like putting her hands on a hot stove for misbehaving, burning her hands with cigarettes, pushing her down stairs, and many other ‘disciplinary’ acts. She was also very verbally abusive, telling her daughter that she was worth nothing, that she would never be anything…the list goes on. But feminists will try their hardest to justify her behavior.

Beth. This woman also tried to come between my father and I. She was trying to pit him against me from day one, telling him I was a horrible daughter and that I was less than her. She acted superior to me, and constantly tried to force my father to believe her lies.

Kelly. Kelly was the same as Brenda. Emotionally abusive and manipulative, physically abusive, and very conniving.


Just like Amber Heard is responsible for her abuse of Johnny Depp and Tasya Van Ree. 

Women can be abusive. Women can be manipulative. Women can be viscous. Women can lie.

Both women and men are on a level playing field when it comes to their capacity for being abusive. Their methods may differ here and there, but neither gender is incapable of being abusive towards another human being.

I get so tired of feminists turning a blind eye and ear to the very obvious truth that some women aren’t deserving of their support. Some women are, in fact, a problem.

Spreading the idea that women shouldn’t need to claim responsibility for malicious acts…or acting like they don’t commit them at all…this gives women like Amber Heard the opportunity to make men into victims, to make other women into victims. Feminists will continue to allow them to fall through the cracks just so they can keep pretending that all women are good and men are shit.

We need to stop dividing this into a gender issue. It is a people issue. People can be abusive. When they are abusive, they need to be held responsible.

A man is abusive: Jail.

A woman is abusive: Jail.


There is no argument you can make to fight against that.

And some feminists even go as far as CELEBRATING when women are violent, as though that is empowering and strong.



It is not that hard.

And don’t let men be hated just for the false idea that all women are good. This is misleading and untrue.