The Question You Should Be Asking

Maria Kari has written an article…or a blog post, rather, in the Express Tribune, with a headline of:

Amber Heard vs Johnny Depp: Is the credibility of #MeToo and women survivors under threat?

This headline, while on the surface it may seem well-meaning, is only an attempt at misdirection.

Since the dawn of the MeToo era, or even since the dawn of third-wave feminism, women that belong to this group of people have started a slow process of demonizing men. Every time a male shooter kills people, they write essays and tweets about how we need to “stop male violence”…as though every single man ever is violent and threatening. Every time a man rapes someone, they call out all men as disgusting pigs…as though ALL men will rape or have raped a woman.

Whenever they mention rape or domestic violence, it is always the woman who is being raped or beaten. The default, every time, is the woman. Domestic violence, to them, is violence against women. Rape is rape of women. That is their definition.

So…this headline, then, is carefully bringing the focus of the MeToo movement and “survivors” back to women. Only women can be survivors. Only women can be recognized by the MeToo movement. And only women face scrutiny by the public…but shouldn’t?

Everything about this headline is wrong.

Domestic violence is violence against anyone in a domestic setting. A sibling, parent, spouse, an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent…male or female.

Rape is the act of forcing a sexual advance onto another person…and again, it doesn’t matter what that person is or what their gender is. It is all rape.

The other glaring issue that this headline represents is the idea that women should be believed without question…but men should be interrogated and questioned until they are blue in the face…because how could it be possible for a women to have carried out violence against a man?

“Man Up.”

“I thought he was a man.”

“What a pussy.”

“How could a red-blooded man just let a woman beat him?”

“He deserved it.”

“She was just feisty.”

And the reason they feel that they need to bring the focus back to women…is because a man has now accused a woman of domestic violence publicly, and that really fucks the hell out of their narrative.

Only women can be hit, dammit. Only women can be raped, dammit. Those bad men are so bad, they do such bad things to the poor women, believe the women, they never lie, women are good, female empowerment, yeah get him girl, hit him…

When a woman hits a man…she is just strong, or she is putting him in his place…or she…the excuses or praise they use to justify violent female behavior is…quite frankly, disgusting.

I am going to take the very first paragraph of this and point out some bias.

Last week, actor Johnny Depp hit his former wife Amber Heard with a massive $50 million lawsuit, which alleges that Heard’s claims of domestic abuse against Depp were a “hoax” intended to “advance her career”. Not only is Depp arguing that his then-wife’s case was completely fake, he is also alleging that he was the victim of domestic violence.

First, if this was a woman suing a man for domestic violence, I highly doubt she would use the term “hit” when describing the lawsuit. This may just be general writing incompetency…but even still, if this was a woman suing a man, supportive language would be used.

Second, if this was a woman suing a man, nothing would be in quotation marks.

Finally, the last sentence is so condescending, it boggles my mind. Not only (not only is he attacking a woman this way)…he is also alleging that he (because he obviously isn’t) was the victim of domestic violence.

  • Anyone with training in argument analysis and a background in rhetoric (me) can see immediately that this person does not think Johnny Depp’s claims are either credible, or possible. They think there is no way that their darling woman, Amber Heard, could have possibly harmed Johnny Depp.

Depp’s lawyers claim to have a lot of evidence, including almost 87 video surveillance clips from around their home and testimonies of numerous witnesses including the couple’s friends and neighbors.

Even though the court of public opinion has already demonized Heard as an opportunistic liar, it’s important to remember that Depp simply filing a lawsuit does not automatically make his evidence admissible or legit.

Claim” – Because he certainly doesn’t have any real evidence.

The second bit of this statement is…bluntly put, bullshit.

First of all, Ms. Kari, back in 2016, all Amber Heard had was a photograph in People Magazine and an edited video that she sold to TMZ. Yet people believed her automatically.

“Johnny Depp hit me.”

The people: “You’re absolutely right, he did, cancel him.”

She didn’t even have to have evidence for people like you to believe her. She just had to say that he hit her. That was enough, because she is a woman.

She has been lauded as a survivor, as a strong woman, as an inspiration for women…ever since then. Why? Her claims were never proven, were never even brought to trial…Johnny Depp was never proven guilty.

But to you, he might as well be.

And now, in this paragraph, you are saying that “it is important to remember that Depp simply filing a lawsuit does not automatically make his evidence admissible or legit”.

Did you have that same attitude when Heard failed to do her deposition twice…or when she sold evidence to People Magazine…or when she sent Depp an extortion letter…or when she hit him on camera…or when…it doesn’t really matter, because I know you didn’t. You didn’t even question her. Not for a damn second.

But now that Johnny Depp has…

Actually, let me explain something to you, since you clearly know nothing about the legal system and the process of filing a defamation lawsuit.

When you file a lawsuit claiming defamation, the number one thing you need to be able to do is PROVE that what the other person is saying is 100% false. So, Johnny Depp would not have filed this lawsuit if he did not believe that he could prove that Amber Heard’s claims of him being violent with her were, as you put in quotation marks, a hoax.

You also cannot state in a court declaration that you have 87 CCTV tapes, audio recordings, an admission of guilt from Heard herself, 17 witness statements, and photographs, if you don’t A. actually have all of that, and B. believe it to be concrete evidence.

A judge is going to review all of that evidence. Why would Adam Waldman allow fake or bad evidence to be stated in a court declaration?

He wouldn’t.

But the fact that you are actually saying that this evidence is probably not admissible or legit…while you believed Heard with a photograph in People Magazine…your misandry is showing.

Your truthful headline should be this: Women are credible, men are lying.

That is the message you are trying to communicate, right?

Well, here is my message: Anyone can be credible, anyone can lie.

Because what you third-wave feminists have failed to understand…is that feminism is not women > men. Feminism is women = men.

Let me repeat that.

Feminism is not women > men.

Feminism is women = men.

Generally speaking, we should not immediately believe abuse victims. Belief is something that happens after a convincing argument.

Generally speaking, we should always consider their story. We should keep an open mind to either side until we have enough details to make a true and educated decision concerning which side to support.

That is how the legal system works.

Innocent until proven guilty.

It is not guilty when women accuse, nor is it guilty until proven innocent. And the court of public opinion should mean absolutely nothing.

Because as someone who has too frequently looked into the vacant, expressionless faces and blank eyes of victims of abuse, I cannot think of a single more frightening thing than a world where men get to use their power, money and connections to first abuse then bring into question the credibility of women.

In closing, I want to bring attention to this paragraph…your last one.

This is where you really show your attitude about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. This is where your credibility in this blog post is absolutely shot to shit.

You believe, just because of your constructed view of male power over females, that Johnny Depp did, in fact, beat Amber Heard, and is now just trying to silence her using his apparent ‘male’ power.

You really believe that. And you will continue to believe that regardless of what happens.

Violence against males at the hands of women is very real, and it happens far more often than you might think, Ms. Kari.

The reason you don’t hear about it much, and when you do hear about it, don’t care, is because a violent woman is seen as feisty and powerful.

She is someone to look up to.

And the man deserved it.

So, the question you should be asking: why is violence against men seen as a joke?

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